Hello everyone.

Nieuwe en bestaande gebruikers van ons Forum kunnen hier zichzelf voorstellen.
Gebruikersavatar
North
Berichten: 1
Lid geworden op: 19 mei 2021 18:19
Geaardheid: bi
Geslacht: Transseksueel
Leeftijd: 33
Waar ben je op naar zoek?: Ik ben een man en zoek een Transseksueel
Fetish: Crossdresser
Contacteer:

Hello everyone.

Bericht door North »

Hello, a little bit about myself. Im 33 year old "bisexual,bicurious" male. A little story about my sexuality and my experiences with others regarding it.
My sexuality exploration started since I started to have erections. Back in those days I was flexible enough to take my own penis tip fully in my mouth and enjoy taste of my own penis in my mouth. Maybe I practiced it a bit too much. Of course masturbation became common as the material for pornographic material became so widely accessible due to internet boom. I practiced autofellatio until I had my first girlfriend. So at 17 I started to have relationship with a woman, and our relationship through out the years evolved to a point where she dominated me sexually. I was dressing as her "girlfriend" and enjoying her enthusiasm with strapon as our relationship evolved . She opened my world to 5minute orgasms. I've enjoyed a penis in my mouth (my own in teen years) and anal pleasures (my long term relationship). After 5 years of partnership, we concluded that our relationship are not productive. After our break up, I had a hard time to find a suitable woman, but I always had a desire to do it for real with a man. I had 2 failed relationship after her, in which my sexual performance was limited to oral pleasures (I love satisfying a woman with my tongue, I enjoy it) and use of toys, although it destroyed my confidence as a man because I had hard time achieving erection. From the country that I am coming from, people with different sexual preferences are being discriminated openly. I always wanted to try to do it with a man, so I got myself a courage to set up a date through a popular dating site. Unfortunately when I arrived to the meeting I was greeted by five people who beated me up just for acting on my sexual desires. After that I decided to leave my country and come to Netherlands where persons sexuality is more accepted. I am not a formally educated person, but I have multiple years of metal fabricators and powder coaters experience, so I came here through employment agency provided services. I started to open up here in this country about my sexuality but when I did, I was still discriminated about who I am. All I wanted to do is to be open about it, and I though people here understand my point of view or at least hoped that they are open minded, sadly to my realization it did not happen like this. I was forced to change workplaces just because of sexual discriminations and consequences shown in a form of disgust.

So the last years I've been in Netherlands I have been too emotionally damaged by other peoples discrimination of my sexual preferences , In last 5 years I have not had intercourse, my sexual preference is leaned towards men, but emotionally I want to be with a woman. The excitement of having sexual interactions with male sexually and the desire to myself of a part of the process to make a penis orgasm is a deep sexual desire that I would like experience. Two years ago I got to a desperate point at which, I took a vacation by renting a room in random city just to be able to meet with a man for sexual intercourse very secretly and without a possibility to compromise my social life. In that month, I looked for men on sexjobs.nl who would like to have sex for free, but unfortunately most of the men there were willing to receive not to give,. So I had a time and motivation to increase my odds, so I presented myself sexually as a transsexual (I have hairy body, so it was a pain in the ass to remove such a large amount of hair, but I learned a lot by doing so) plus what gave me a motivation was for my body to be sexually desired. I wanted to experience penis for the first time. Sadly most of the men were just rude, and could not say more than describe their primitive sexual desires. But there was one person who I had continuous conversations with and eventually we came to an agreement to set up a date night in which my sexual curiosity and our both desires would be achieved. We had everything planned so he would rent a room and I would wait for him there, because I needed time to present myself desirable for him. But when I got to hotel there were no reservations and he blocked my number. The only time in my life when I was ready for it without backing out, and I am still trying to understand why. A year ago I was emotionally in the same kind of state, where sexual desires just started to take over my rational thinking, and I wanted to gather an information on how to experience activities I sexually desire using glory hole . I could do it in complete privacy. The last year what has stopped me from having such an adventure is fear of what if it does not goes as I imagine?
What if I am bad at it and the person that I am trying for sees it as a failure and exhibits negative emotions towards me?

The older I get and more sexually constrained I become .

I recently had a emotional breaking point while talking with my closest male friend for few years now. I understand that he comes from a different environment in which people with similar desires are being discriminated heavily, so I opened up to him by holding to a hope that our friendship would go further than his biases. So long story short, my friend respects my sexuality , but he is not ready to accept it fully and he does not want me to mention in in other peoples presence. I respect that and I would not want to put him in uncomfortable situation. But now by opening up to him and telling my "secret about which I've always been discriminated about ", I have the feeling that a heavy rock has fallen of my heart. Although this partial acceptance from my friend which in my lifetime is the first who accepts me to this level. But I respect the fact that my friend is not emotionally ready to support me in giving emotional state that I am in right now. And I feel that there is a necessity to seek advice for it. Currently at my age and at my position in life, I've been given a chance to focus on this part of my life to expand it.

I seek emotional support for the feelings that I am having right now and how to implement my desires in my future life. I know I should not feel ashamed of who I would like to be, unfortunately the necessity to fit in society has forced me to burry such desires in fear of being punished for not being the same as everyone else. I acknowledge that my situation is different in a specific way, but I am asking for a support in form of an advice from anyone who has been in similar situation and would be able to share their experience on how to deal with such a "not clearly guided pathway" .

Thank you for reading.
Plaats reactie
Gebruikers op dit forum: sanderjaja en 28 gasten